TGG012: When you're stuck in a rut
FOCUS OF THE WEEK: How to Get Out of a Rut
Tha Warmup
We all feel stuck sometimes.
Maybe you’ve been turned down for three consecutive promotions. Maybe the number on the scale refuses to budge. Exhaustion turns to desperation, which turns to self-paralysis.
When nothing you’ve tried is working, you question whether to try at all.
Today we’ll look at how increasing consciousness, visualizing fears, and doing the enough thing can cultivate the positive mindset necessary to propel you forward.
It's consciousness szn...
Remember that scene in The Dark Knight Rises where Bruce Wayne climbs his way out of the underground prison? If you imagine a rut being like that pit he was trapped in, then consider consciousness the first step toward freedom. Jim Dethmer has devoted the last 45 years to the practice of conscious leadership. To develop self-awareness in Fortune 500 CEOs, he asks them to imagine a horizontal black line. He instructs them to locate themselves: are they above the line or below it? Dethmer explains, “When we’re above the line, we’re open, curious, and interested in learning. When we’re below the line, we’re closed, defensive, and wanting to prove we’re right.” It’s simple: at any given time, each of us is either above the line or below it.
If you find yourself below the line - that is, in a scared, threatened, or reactive state - the next question to ask yourself is whether you can accept where you are. And more importantly, are you willing to make a shift? “We’re not asking if we want the circumstances to be different. We’re asking, ‘Am I willing to be with the issue from a different context?’ ‘Am I willing to be with it from above the line instead of below the line?’” If you’re willing to make a shift, read on. If not, go back to watching your friend's 11-part Insta story from some concert last night.
Where do I begin?
With a simple writing exercise developed by Tim Ferriss. “Fear-setting,” as he calls it. Though many of us avoid the hard choices -- what we most fear saying, asking, doing -- these things are often precisely what we should do. “The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it,” author Steven Pressfield writes. This lesson is made manifest every day. For instance, when final exams rolled around during my master’s program, I always began my studying with the topic I dreaded most. I’d literally feel some weight lift from my chest almost immediately. Mark Twain recommended, “If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.”
Back to the exercise. Grab a blank sheet of paper and draw five columns. At the top of the sheet, identify your fear or source of anxiety. Perhaps you never learned how to ride a bike and you’re deeply embarrassed. Or maybe you’re afraid of breaking up with someone. Write it down.
In the first column, write down all of the worst things that could happen. Consider any sort of worst-case scenario that might arise.
In the second column, write down the ways you could prevent these negative outcomes from happening. If you live with your significant other and you’re worried about the logistics of the breakup, come up with a game plan ahead of time by ensuring you can stay with family or a friend temporarily.
In column three, record how you could repair the damage if these worst-case scenarios were to happen. If you’re scared of feeling isolated and alone after ending your relationship, let a few close friends know about the breakup in advance so they can be ready to support you.
Column four: what are the benefits of an attempt or partial success?
And column five, what’s the cost of inaction? That is, if you avoid doing this thing, how is your life going to look in six months? A year? Three years? Really think this one through.
And that’s it. Put your fears under a microscope, dissect them, and consider whether the benefits of action outweigh the risks of inaction.
Ok, but how do I *actually* begin?
The "trick" is just to get started. You can do this by breaking up the task into bite-sized pieces. Think: the chocolate chip Little Bites muffins your mom packed in your lunch box. At The New York Times, this method for starting a project is known as "micro-progress:" "Let’s say you’re an editor with a weekly newsletter to write. Rather than approach that task as “Write Monday’s newsletter,” break down the very first steps you have to take and keep slicing them up into tiny, easily achievable micro-goals, then celebrate each achievement. Step 1: Open a Google Doc. Step 2: Name that Google Doc. Step 3: Write a single sentence. And so on.” This gives your productivity engine the kick-start it needs. And from there, we know that an object in motion stays in motion.
Good enough is good enough...
Once you get rolling, don’t get hung up on achieving perfection. If your goal is to learn how to ride a bike, chances are you’ll become pretty good at it over time. But don’t let your obsession with being the fastest biker keep you from enjoying the ride. Show up, do the work, and be a good person. Trust that if you put good out there into the world, good will come back to you.
What are you waiting for?