TGG001: I'm Afraid of Working Out Around Guys

FOCUS OF THE WEEK: Exercising Around Guys

So you’re eyeing the weight area. Tons of guys in cutoff frat shirts are aggressively grunting as they press barbells out from their chests. You’ve come to realize that strong is the new skinny, and you may even be wanting some muscle in your arms. Not to mention your envy towards friends who have achieved that toned look. But nothing about the gruntfest happening in the weight room looks inviting. 

During high school I felt insecure and out of place trying new exercises and testing new machines in public areas. One part of me was resentful for not being naturally skinny, pissed I even had to turn to strength training and different kinds of exercise to achieve the results I wanted. I looked at my friends’ naturally perfect bodies, wondering why I didn’t look that way. The other part of me, the curious side, just genuinely wanted to learn new ways to challenge my body. 
 
It was a lonely time, but I was in good company. A survey by Sport England found 75% of respondents want to exercise more, but fear of judgment stops them from doing so. Guess I wasn’t the only one wanting to explore the strength training thing but scared of making a fool of myself. 
 
Shedding fear of judgment while exercising is a process. At the start, every person I walked by felt like a mirror whose judgement reflected back at me. Afraid of making a mistake or using a machine improperly, I chose avoidance. Back to the StairMaster I went! Psychologists have a term for our tendency to weigh bad thoughts and experiences more heavily than good ones: "negativity bias.” We end up with thoughts that prioritize shortcomings over successes. 
 
Women have been programmed to exercise separately. Do you remember those old Jane Fonda workouts in the '80s, where  a female instructor led a team of women behind her? These videos taught us that women should exercise amongst themselves. As we age, safety and comfort take over. Sticking to the weekly spin class or running routine is easier than branching out and bulking up. 
 
But honey, times have changed! While there are significant physical and physiological differences between the sexes, trainer Cassie White explains that, for the most part, women and men need not train differently. Fear should not prevent us from experiencing the fat burning, bone-density improving, self-esteem boosting results that come with strength training. And I’ll let you in on a little secret: women actually don’t have enough testosterone to “bulk up.” According to White, women’s smaller skeletons and muscle mass, looser joints, and lower testosterone levels just do not allow for the same level of muscle build up (though I believe, the stronger, the sexier)!
 
So how do I get comfortable at the gym?
 
First: start with self-compassion. To treat yourself more kindly, start noticing your thoughts. Whether that means meditating or stepping out and volunteering, find a way to clear your mind of negative thoughts. If you’re not yet able to acknowledge thoughts and let them go, finding a higher purpose to hone in on is a good starting point. 
 
The second step toward getting comfy in any fitness space is taking classes. So many of the exercises I perform every day are ones I learned in class settings. In classes, you have an instructor walking you through every move with variations that are easier and harder. You’re encircled by folks of all ages and abilities, many of whom are learning moves for the first time. Together with the consistency, motivation, commitment, and accountability you’re getting, classes make for a conveniently packaged 45-60 minutes. They are a great way to learn new exercises or work typically neglected muscle groups while in a supportive setting. 
 
But it’s step three that plays most into our caveman brains: buddying up. Feeling alone has always been painful for human beings. Neuroscientist John Cacioppo argues loneliness is like hunger: our ancestors connected with other tribe members to satisfy our basic need for relationships. To combat feeling alone on your health journey, grab a friend. Think of someone who regularly strength trains and ask to work out together. If you’re super curious about building strength in a particular area, like your back, let that person know. People love getting to play the role of expert, so let them. Added bonus: research from the University of Southern California found those who exercise with a friend (partner or co-worker) enjoyed the workout more than those who went at it alone. Not only will buddying up help you gain comfort and knowledge, but it’ll make for a more enjoyable sweat. 
 
Practice what it feels like to work out in a new way, then try it on your own. The next time you cringe at the thought of branching out, I want you to show yourself some love, sign up for a strength class that sounds interesting, and text a friend asking whether they’re free tomorrow morning. 

I’ll leave you with some wise words I recently heard on The Knowledge Podcast: 

Easy choices, hard life.
Hard choices, easy life.