TGG022: 5 Steps To Becoming More Intuitive
FOCUS OF THE WEEK: Intuition
Intuition. That still, small voice within each of us. Too often we ignore it, letting fear or the belief that there is a set number of choices block us from realizing our true potential. We seek external opinions and validations to feel more comfortable with muting our knowing. Recently while hiking in Yosemite, my friends and I found ourselves disoriented, having lost sight of the trail. Just then, a park ranger appeared and kindly pointed us in the right direction. All of us have a park ranger guiding us toward our highest point. Just as we followed her guidance without hesitation, we need to trust and follow our inner compass.
...Can you use it in a sentence?
I’ll back up. What exactly is intuition? Start by forgetting the idea that intuition is some woo woo hippie concept. Intuition is experiential wisdom, a collection of your past feelings and experiences which allows you to make quick decisions. In Thinking, Fast and Slow, author and Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman writes, “intuition is nothing more and nothing less than recognition.” Farnam Street explains further, “When we experience something either directly (first hand) or indirectly (we’ve read about it or hear it in a podcast) our brains take note and file it away. Later when we encounter a situation that resembles our chunk, our brains leap into a subconscious recognition of a situation. Our intuition about the situation might be correct and it might be wrong but it’s not operating at the level of conscious thought. You can think of intuition as thinking that you know something without really knowing how or why you know it.” Experts can quickly respond to decisions within their domain of expertise because they have a vault of past mistakes to pull from. It’s the mechanism through which leaders like Bill Gates and Elon Musk make rapid decisions all day long.
Many people today have lost touch with their knowing. Their inner voice sounds like it’s being transmitted through Sprint; it’s so faint, fuzzy, and unclear that it can’t possibly be a source of trusted of wisdom. Sound relatable? That could be a sign that you have strayed far from your authentic self, your essence. But don’t worry. Like Jen and Brad’s romance, all things -- even your intuition -- can come back.
Why have people lost touch with their intuitions?
Much of the disconnection that is prevalent in modern society is driven by disconnection and distancing from our bodies. Society conditions us to hate the dimples on the backs of our thighs, the hair above our lips, the skin that falls over our waistline when we wear our tight jeans. Society conditions us to hate our bodies. Did you know, according to Dove’s research into self-esteem, only four percent of women around the world consider themselves beautiful? Take a minute to soak that in.
When we hate our bodies, we naturally disconnect from them and thus disconnect from our inner voice. After all, why trust something that’s coming out of a vessel you have deemed the enemy? Medical intuitive (yes, that’s a thing) Katie Beecher lists the ways disconnection from the body manifests in her clients, ranging from ignoring signs of a cold or sickness coming on, to not living in the present, to constant dieting and disordered eating. Dieting is the perfect example of body disconnection: blindly following a diet like paleo or Atkins assumes a one-size-fits-all approach. In reality, what’s best for your body may be completely different than what’s best for someone else. But you don’t know that unless you’re completely in tune with the signals your body is sending. Imagine if children were taught to idolize people with inner beauty? Imagine the kind of introspection that would foster. Beecher writes, “When we are connected to our bodies and intuition, we know that we are never alone and that we have a constant source of answers and support.” No one knows you better than yourself. The time to turn inward is now.
Time for a little story...
Intuition has been on my mind because I’ve been relying on it so heavily these last few months. In late July the leadership at my company announced they were cutting six percent of the workforce, my entire rotational program included. Thankfully because this has been a difficult year for me personally, I was immediately struck with gratitude. I thought to myself, how lucky am I that I had a full college experience, developed an incredible network within Silicon Valley, and didn’t have the financial pressure of being a parent or caretaker. Of the countless chefs and servers, actors and architects, secretaries and salespeople laid off over the course of the pandemic, I was a lucky one.
Intertwined with gratitude was a second, more subtle feeling. When the layoffs were announced, it felt like the universe was reaching down, grabbing me by the shoulders, and pointing me toward a bright new path -- one I hadn’t known existed. I kept hearing the words, “You were not where you are meant to be.” Looking back, that seemingly existential voice that began as a whisper and grew into a loud roar was my intuition, promising to guide me safely through the storm. To guide me to a beautiful place I didn’t know before.
Then the rational side of my brain kicked in. Every day not searching for a job was a day wasted. I said yes to every introduction, every recruiter, every interview. Each time I’d think to myself, It’s a “good” company! I should be so lucky to speak with them. Conversations blurred together. I can fake interest with the best of them, but my inner knowing felt the inauthenticity and begged for it to stop. While all this was going on, I was simultaneously throwing myself into the dating game. Date after date with guys who are A+ on paper. But like the job conversations, none of the dates lit a fire in my stomach (how I describe my “gut” feeling). Weeks passed, and the exasperation seeped into every part of my being. One day I was telling my therapist about the bleak parallels between the two scenarios, when he stopped me and asked, “You know you don’t have to do any of this, right?”
Huh, what a novel idea! I didn’t know I could say no. I did not see that I had the right and the ability to decline an introduction or to tell a hiring manager at the end of an interview, “Thanks for your time, but the role doesn’t sound like a fit." I had forgotten I could decline a second date, no matter how kind or successful a guy is. I had let life happen to me. Now, it was time to take back the reins.
My intuition and I made a game plan. I would work normal hours, allocating my time evenly among three activities: thinking, starting fires, and pouring gasoline. Thinking (read: making intentional space for myself during the day) was incredibly important. If the universe was giving me the opportunity to find work more aligned with my passions, I wasn’t going to blow it. Phoneless walks, time sitting by the water, meditation -- these things breathed life into me and allowed me to reflect on what I really want and need. Activity number one was essentially studying myself. Next, starting fires. This means striking up conversations with anyone at the companies I most admire who would talk to me. Yes, it was a little more strategic than that (i.e., reaching out to people in the right departments or whose job I wanted), but getting on the right people’s radars was the goal. There were a lot of requests for warm intros, a lot of personalized messages, and a lot of LinkedIn stalking. My one rule? I would only go for opportunities that made my inner voice say “F**k yes!” Finally, activity three: pouring gasoline. This means nourishing existing fires: prepping for second and final-round interviews, learning everything I could about the people I’d be speaking to, knowing whether the company had been in the news and why.
The schedule was effective. It was also draining. Reaching for my book when I felt overwhelmed, reserving weekends for adventures with friends, spending weeknights testing new recipes with neighbors -- these investments in relationships recharged my batteries.
I stuck with it, putting my head down each day and doing the work. Within a little under two months, I was blessed to receive eight job offers. I was privileged to have the means and circumstances to wait for the right role -- the one my intuition told me was the one. That role came around, and I am so thankful and excited for the failure, learning, and transformation that is sure to come.
That’s one version of the story. While that version tells a tale of doors swinging open, there’s another version of the story about doors slamming shut. It’s a story of carefully crafted emails that went unanswered. Of companies who cling so tightly to basic qualifications that I never stood a chance. Of automated rejection emails and recruiters who “would love to keep your resume on file” in case the mystical perfect role opens up.
Each story is equally as true as the other. Legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden has long been an inspiration of mine. Many of the values which guide my intuition are based on principles I learned from him. I have thought about his words time and again throughout these last two months, “You can’t let praise or criticism get to you. It’s a weakness to get caught up in either one.” It did not matter if an email I received was congratulating me on advancing to another interview round or gently informing me that my journey with that company had come to an end; my reaction would be the same. People should not know whether you won or lost based on how you leave the court. In trusting my intuition, I knew that I was always exactly where I was meant to be. Knowing I had the support of my tribe (you know who you are) was also pivotal. You know their love remains even if all else disappears.
Take from this story what you will. If nothing else, remember this: you are worth betting on. No one knows you better than yourself, so drink from the cup of self-worth and know you are worthy of fulfilling opportunities. Then go out there and prove it.
And if we don’t start tapping into our intuition…?
Choosing not to listen to your inner knowing means living a life that is not your own. When you turn to others to figure out what you should do, you inevitably follow their blueprint instead of your own. We have this idea of a “safe” life, the idea that certain choices will make for a life with minimal suffering. Here’s the catch: suffering spares no one. At some point or another, everyone gets the you know what kicked out of them. So you might as well trust your gut, live your values, and embrace both the failure and growth that comes with leading an intuition-led life. That way, you won’t wake up on your 40th birthday unsure of who you are or what you believe. Life constantly serves up opportunities to live more authentically. Take them.
But what if my intuition leads me astray?
It never will. Remember, what you want is often not what you need. As Calm notes, “Too often, we ignore this wise messenger because our truth can be inconvenient or incongruent with the advice and hopes of our family or society.” Intuition will pull back the curtain on your fears. But rather than fear the fear, see it as the tools to complete the task.
How do I tap into my inner wisdom?
Thought you’d never ask. Here are 5 steps to help you turn up the volume on your knowing:
Open your mind. A clear mind is an aware mind. Intuitive information could come from anywhere -- a barista, a picture in your head, a person who suddenly comes to mind. Commit to keeping an open line of communication with your intuition and to paying attention to these signals.
Start small. Pick one part of your day when you’ll hand over control to your intuition, like lunchtime. To wade into the waters of intuitive eating, start with noticing. “Think about whether you are hungry or thirsty before eating, think about whether the food you are about to choose is what your body really wants, how it will feel in your body, and what you are feeling emotionally when you eat,” writes Beecher. She goes on, “If you want a piece of chocolate, make sure it is a damn good-tasting piece—enjoy it! Sit at a table, in front of only your food, not the TV or computer. Feel the food in your mouth; taste and chew it instead of just swallowing. You’ll be better able to feel when you are starting to be satisfied, not stuffed.”
Take space for yourself. You must have clarity and conviction when it comes to your wants, beliefs, and values. Start by giving your brain a little breathing room. Meditate, go for a walk, take a swim. Think of this time not for doing, but for being. As Anne Lamott notes in her masterpiece Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, “You get your intuition back when you make space for it, when you stop the chattering of the rational mind. The rational mind doesn't nourish you. You assume that it gives you the truth, because the rational mind is the golden calf that this culture worships, but this is not true. Rationality squeezes out much that is rich and juicy and fascinating.”
Be vulnerable. Blocking out feelings means partly blocking out intuition. What’s more, vulnerability begets vulnerability. By sharing your true self, others will be inspired to do the same.
Train it like a muscle. This tip comes from Katrine Kjaer, who notes that like any discipline, consistent practice is key. Each day, you’ll turn up the volume on your intuition a little bit more. Then one day, your inner voice will be bumping louder than Chance and Bieber when I’m in the shower.
Lead with your soul and trust the journey that follows.