Tha Good Good, Week of 5.22.20

The 5 things I think you should know about this week. 

Show I'm crying / screaming / loving on:
Normal People on Hulu. Normy Peeps. What. An. Adaptation. It’s a show singularly focused on the relationship between two young people, so utterly compelling in its depiction of their inner lives. It's a show that just lands. Watch it without your parents, and try to pace yourself. Oh, and pour one out for Sally Rooney, the author of the novel Normal People and executive producer of the Hulu series. Like me, she is a twentysomething. Except she’s writing literary wonders while I’m Googling “How to save money” and still don’t own a toaster. Queen.

Concept I'm thinking about:
There is an old, beautiful word in South Africa — Ubuntu — that means, “I am because of you.” Liberian peace activist Leymah Gbowee defines it as, “I am what I am because of who we all are.” Ubuntu is shining through right now. You are holding a space for me to express my passion for helping others achieve wellness. Without you, I’m just a girl writing emails that no one reads. Ubuntu is about opening your heart and sharing. Desmond Tutu wrote about Ubuntu in his memoir, “Ubuntu is very difficult to render into a Western language. It speaks of the very essence of being human. When we want to give high praise to someone we say, ‘Yu, u nobunto’...Then you are generous, you are hospitable, you are friendly and caring and compassionate. You share what you have. It is to say, ‘My humanity is inextricably bound up in yours.’ We belong in a bundle of life.” 

Healthy(ish) side dish I'm cooking: 
Roasted bacon brussels sprouts with salted honey from Half Baked Harvest. Those who follow me on Instagram know I love me some Half Baked Harvest recipes. These brussels are sweet, spicy, tangy, and easy. Plus, they’re done in 30 minutes (start to finish). Try this crowd-pleasing dish that goes with pretty much everything. Meatless? Just skip the bacon. The flavor still slaps. 

Chart I'm turning to for guidance: 
Dismissive Positivity from Whitney Goodman. It is a privilege being someone friends turn to during difficult times. When my friend was preparing for an interview last week, I texted him, “You’ve got this!” But once when I sent that same message to someone who’d been cheated on, she did not feel better. In fact, she felt worse. I was someone who rushed into positivity, unknowingly bulldozing through the internal experiences of others.

Psychotherapist Whitney Goodman calls this unhelpful cheery attitude “dismissive positivity.” Her Instagram post, which has shepherded me through countless conversations, explains how to respond to someone in pain. Familiarize yourself with the chart, and pretty soon you’ll be replacing, “Think happy thoughts!” with “It’s probably pretty hard to be positive right now. I’m putting out good energy into the world for you.” Once you know better, you’ll do better. Meet people where they are. 

Extra: Check out Goodman’s “Toxic Positivity: Quarantine Edition” chart for advice on what to say during these incredibly strange times. 

Essay I’m re-reading:
"Don’t Eat Before Reading This" by Anthony Bourdain. Timeless. 
“Generally speaking, the good stuff comes in on Tuesday: the seafood is fresh, the supply of prepared food is new, and the chef, presumably, is relaxed after his day off. (Most chefs don’t work on Monday.) Chefs prefer to cook for weekday customers rather than for weekenders, and they like to start the new week with their most creative dishes. In New York, locals dine during the week. Weekends are considered amateur nights—for tourists, rubes, and the well-done-ordering pretheatre hordes. The fish may be just as fresh on Friday, but it’s on Tuesday that you’ve got the good will of the kitchen on your side.”

Your moment of zen:
"For to age is to live and to live is to age, and being anti-age is tantamount to being anti-life."
— Anne Kapf